| 13 March, 2009 |
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In Marseilles they make half the toilet soap we consume in America, but the Marseillaise only have a vague theoretical idea of its use, which they have obtained from books of travel. France was a long despotism tempered by epigrams. The length of a film should be directly related to the endurance of the human bladder. Life is far too important a thing ever to talk seriously about. We all have the extraordinary coded within us, waiting to be released. What is a cynic? A man who knows the price of everything and the value of nothing. Generally speaking, the Way of the warrior is resolute acceptance of death. Lawyers are the only persons in whom ignorance of the law is not punished. A countryman between two lawyers is like a fish between two cats. Whatever their other contributions to our society, lawyers could be an important source of protein. If you laid all of the lawyers in the world, end to end, on the equator ---- It would be a good idea to just leave them there. Advertising is the rattling of a stick inside a swill bucket. Addresses are given to us to conceal our whereabouts. Life is a moderately good play with a badly written third act. One of the delights known to age, and beyond the grasp of youth, is that of Not Going. When I was young there was no respect for the young, and now that I am old there is no respect for the old. I missed out coming and going. I am not young enough to know everything. The closing years of life are like the end of a masquerade party when the masks are dropped. Always forgive your enemies - nothing annoys them so much. Fishing is a delusion entirely surrounded by liars in old clothes. Moral indignation is jealousy with a halo. Conversation is the enemy of good wine and food. I hate careless flattery, the kind that exhausts you in your effort to believe it. Immigration is the sincerest form of flattery. You are not here merely to make a living. You are here to enable the world to live more amply, with greater vision, and with a finer spirit of hope and achievement. You are here to enrich the world. You impoverish yourself if you forget this errand. When a man wants to murder a tiger he calls it sport; when a tiger wants to murder him he calls it ferocity. One murder makes a villain, millions a hero. If once a man indulges himself in murder, very soon he comes to think little of robbing; and from robbing he next comes to drinking and Sabbath-breaking, and from that to incivility and procrastination. Either this man is dead or my watch has stopped. Animals have these advantages over man: they never hear the clock strike, they die without any idea of death, they have no theologians to instruct them, their last moments are not disturbed by unwelcome and unpleasant ceremonies, their funerals cost them nothing, and no one starts lawsuits over their wills. Man is the only animal that can remain on friendly terms with the victims he intends to eat until he eats them. It is impossible to enjoy idling unless there is plenty of work to do. Hard work never killed anybody, but why take a chance? A cult is a religion with no political power. There are few minds to which tyranny is not delightful. I find women with well developed flesh very attractive. The scrawny little things doing commercials on my television set are slightly repulsive -- like famine victims. My schoolmates would make love to anything that moved, but I never saw any reason to limit myself. A promiscuous person is someone who is getting more sex than you are. There are more tears shed over answered prayers than over unanswered prayers. Bisexuality immediately doubles your chances for a date on Saturday night. Jesus was a crackpot. Jesus died too soon. If he had lived to my age he would have repudiated his doctrine. Nietzsche was stupid and abnormal. Life is anything that dies when you stomp on it. Culture is an instrument wielded by professors to manufacture professors who when their turn comes, will manufacture professors. When I hear the word "culture" I reach for my gun. Cynicism is an unpleasant way of saying the truth. College football would be more interesting if the faculty played instead of the students - there would be a great increase in broken arms, legs and necks. Lead me not into temptation; I can find the way myself. Critics are like pigs at the pastry cart. |
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