| 15 March, 2009 |
 |
 |
 |
|
It took me twenty years of studied self-restraint, aided by the natural decay of my faculties, to make myself dull enough to be accepted as a serious person by the British public. The longer I live the more I see that I am never wrong about anything, and that all the pains I have so humbly taken to verify my notions have only wasted my time. Every big problem was at one time a wee disturbance. Few people can be happy unless they hate some other person, nation, or creed. Patriotism is the willingness to kill and be killed for trivial reasons. Most people would sooner die than think; in fact they do so. All movements go too far. Optimism is the content of small men in high places. Show me a hero and I will write you a tragedy. The most happy marriage I can imagine to myself would be the union of a deaf man to a blind woman. How could I lose to such an idiot? I believe that people would be alive today if there were a death penalty. A doctor can bury his mistakes but an architect can only advise his client to plant vines. A doctor can bury his mistakes but a supplier based engineer can only advise the product designer to specify a heavier texture. I would have made a good Pope. Man invented language to satisfy his deep need to complain. Studying literature at Harvard is like learning about women at the Mayo Clinic. when reading Goethe I have a paralyzing suspicion that he is trying to be funny. ...helps us enjoy our misery while we are inflicting it on others. A bank is a place where they lend you an umbrella in fair weather and ask for it back when it begins to rain. Gerry Ford is a nice guy, but he played too much football with his helmet off. Sometimes when I look at my children I say to myself, "Lillian, you should have stayed a virgin. The thought of being President frightens me and I do not think I want the job. Nixon, Ford, Carter, Reagan - a Mount Rushmore of incompetence. The golden moments in the stream of life rush past us and we see nothing but sand; the angels come to visit us, and we only know them when they are gone. Things have never been more like the way they are today in history. Almost all reformers, however strict their social conscience, live in houses just as big as they can pay for. Romance should never begin with sentiment. It should begin with science and end with a settlement. How wonderful opera would be if there were no singers. Children today are tyrants. They contradict their parents, gobble their food, and tyrannize their teachers. Of all the animals, the boy is the most unmanageable. It is unbecoming for young men to utter maxims. Children are guilty of unpardonable rudeness when they spit in the face of a companion; neither are they excusable who spit from windows or on walls or furniture. That which we persist in doing becomes easier, not that the task itself has become easier, but that our ability to perform it has improved. Until a child is one year old it is incapable of sin. A statesman is a successful politician who is dead. All religions are founded on the fear of the many and the cleverness of the few. Advertising may be described as the science of arresting human intelligence long enough to get money from it. Youth is a wonderful thing. What a crime to waste it on children. There are times when you have to choose between being a human and having good taste. Bibo, ergo sum. - I drink, therefore I am. Cogito ergo spud. - I think, therefore I yam. It is dangerous to be sincere unless you are also stupid. Be a first rate version of yourself, not a second rate version of someone else. Most religions do not make men better, only warier. A good politician is quite as unthinkable as an honest burglar. What a beautiful fix we are in now; peace has been declared. Glory is fleeting, but obscurity is forever. There is nothing more exhilarating than to be shot at without result. Although prepared for martyrdom, I preferred that it be postponed. |
Joomla! is Free Software released under the GNU General Public License.
