| 3 April, 2009 |
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Never trouble another for what you can do for yourself. I derive no pleasure from talking with a young woman simply because she has regular features. The love of money is the root of all virtue. To some lawyers all facts are created equal. Any pitcher who throws at a batter and deliberately tries to hit him is a communist. I was not successful as a ballplayer, as it was a game of skill. I like a friend better for having faults that one can talk about. I do not want people to be agreeable, as it saves me the trouble of liking them. It is better to die on your feet than live on your knees. Tell us your phobias, and we will tell you what you are afraid of. A child of my own! Oh, no, no, no! Let my flesh perish with me, and let me not transmit to anyone the boredom and ignominiousness of life. In this world of sin and sorrow there is always something to be thankful for; as for me, I rejoice that I am not a Republican. Honesty is a good thing, but it is not profitable to its possessor unless it is kept under control. God invented whiskey to keep the Irish from ruling the world. The Irish are a fair people - they never speak well of one another. The great tragedy of science - the slaying of a beautiful hypothesis by an ugly fact. We tolerate shapes in human beings that would horrify us if we saw them in a horse. It takes a wonderful brain and exquisite senses to produce a few stupid ideas. The average man does not know what to do with his life, yet wants another one which will last forever. Everyone would like to behave like a pagan, with everyone else behaving like a Christian. There are few sorrows in which a good income is of no avail. All programmers are playwrights and all computers are lousy actors. If you wouldst live long, live well, for folly and wickedness shorten life. It is no disgrace to be poor, but it might as well be. Business is a good game - lots of competition and a minimum of rules. You keep score with money. Advertising is 85% confusion and 15% commission. Contrary to popular belief, English women do not wear tweed nightgowns. Honesty is the best policy - when there is money in it. Money is always there, but the pockets change. Make money your god and it will plague you like the devil. I am not sincere, not even when I say I am not. This is the day upon which we are reminded of what we are on the other three hundred and sixty-four. Sometimes a fool makes a good suggestion. All my life, affection has been showered upon me, and every forward step I have made has been taken in spite of it. It is better to be beautiful than to be good, but it is better to be good than to be ugly. I make a fortune from criticizing the policy of the government, and then hand it over to the government in taxes to keep it going. A dollar saved is a quarter earned. A wise man should have money in his head, but not in his heart. A large section of the intelligentsia seems wholly devoid of intelligence. The human mind treats a new idea the way the body treats a strange protein; it rejects it. The intelligent man finds almost everything ridiculous, the sensible man hardly anything. The Green Party is like a watermelon - green on the outside and red on the inside. There is no such thing as an underestimate of average intelligence. The first thing I do in the morning is brush my teeth and sharpen my tongue. Promote yourself, but do not demote another.Israel Salanter He marries best who puts it off until it is too late. It is the confession, not the priest, that gives us absolution. Delores breezed along the surface of her life like a flat stone forever skipping along smooth water, rippling reality sporadically but oblivious to it consistently, until she finally lost momentum, sank, and due to an over- dose of flouride as a child which caused her to suffer from chronic apathy, doomed herself to lie forever on the floor of her life as useless as an appendix and as lonely as a five-hundred pound barbell in a steroid-free fitness center. Etymology, n.: In our country we have those three unspeakably precious things: freedom of speech, freedom of conscience, and the prudence never to practice either. |
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