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Peter Good luck with your layoffs, alright, I hope your firings go really, really well.

Peter When I make a mistake, I have eight different people coming by to tell me about it. That's my only real motivation is not to be hassled, that and the fear of losing my job. But you know, Bob, that will only make someone work just hard enough not to get fired.

Milton And I said, I don't care if they lay me off either, because I told, I told Bill that if they move my desk one more time, then, then I'm, I'm quitting, I’m going to quit. And, and I told Don too, because they've moved my desk four times already this year, and I used to be over by the window, and I could see the squirrels, and they were married, but then, they switched from the Swing line to the Boston stapler, but I kept my Swing line stapler because it didn't bind up as much, and I kept the staples for the Swing line stapler and it's not okay because if they take my stapler then I'll set the building on fire.

Michael Bolton Yeah, well at least your name isn't Michael Bolton. Samir You know there's nothing wrong with that name. Michael Bolton There was nothing wrong with it... until I was about 12 years old and that no-talent ass clown became famous and started winning Grammys.

Peter So I was sitting in my cubicle today, and I realized, ever since I started working, every single day of my life has been worse than the day before it. So that means that every single day that you see me, that's on the worst day of my life.

Peter Well, I generally come in at least fifteen minutes late, ah, I use the side door--that way Lumbergh can't see me, heh--after that I sort space out for an hour. I just stare at my desk, but it looks like I'm working. I do that for probably another hour after lunch too, I'd say in a given week I probably only do about fifteen minutes of real, actual, work.

Samir  No, not again. I... why does it say paper jam when there is no paper jam I swear to God, one of these days, I just kick this piece of shit out the window.

Bob We find it's always better to fire people on a Friday. Studies have statistically shown that there's less chance of an incident if you do it at the end of the week.